Refuge (Original Song)

I recorded this video, pink rose tucked jauntily behind my ear, a few days before my due date. I was blissfully unaware of the fact that my life was about to be turned upside down. When I watch it, it feels like a glimpse into a past life, a past ‘time’, and yet the God to whom I sing is the same, just as worthy of being rejoiced in.

Trust in Him at ALL times
All you broken people
Pour your hearts out before Him
He is our refuge

Physical pain has been my constant companion these past few weeks. Apart from the rubbery ligaments in my pelvis (ironically, I’ve been told all my life that I had ‘childbearing hips!’), my beautiful son Isaac has jaws which meet at an angle, making feeding him a bit like being attacked with a pair of lopsided tweezers.

All the doctors in Cambridgeshire seem fascinated by the medical mystery that Isaac’s jaw and my leaden legs present – as someone commented, our life is a little bit like an episode of House – but there are no quick-fixes, and so I set my face like flint and press on. I am confident in God alone, for He is mighty, and I pour out my heart before Him, for He loves me.

Hallelujah!

Water Need (Michael Ketterer Cover)

Since the last blogpost, my life has changed.

I have a bright-eyed baby son (I recorded the video while I was still pregnant with him) – his name is Isaac John Newton Prescott, and he is my pride and joy.

I can’t walk. The labour was sixty hours long, my little one had somehow shifted from an anterior to posterior position and put his head at an angle. I delivered him without intervention – this is a miracle in itself – but my body is in a state of shock.

“God loves dependence.”

These were my friend Connie’s words as she held me and we rocked back and forth, sobbing. Peter, Isaac and I had just returned home from the hospital after days and days of tests, scans, and powerful pain-killers. I was incapacitated, exhausted, and traumatised.

I am dependent now as I have never been before. I need help to do the simplest things. My incredible husband and kind-hearted mother-in-law attend to me and the baby all day and all night long. I am humbled, and I am brokenly grateful.

“I need you, I need you – I need you like water.”

And so I lean on my Beloved, praying that I will come out of this wilderness unrecognisable, radiant, transformed (Song of Songs 8:5).