Leaning (Original Song)

Today is my son Isaac’s half-birthday! We were surrounded by friends singing ‘happy half-birthday to you’ as we blew out a candle planted in half a (fairtrade!) banana and fed Isaac his first morsels of real food. He consumed a mashed banana with the quality of voracious joy that makes adults laugh, not out of mockery, but simply because our heartstrings resonate with the unadulterated childlike delight we have almost forgotten how to feel, the kind that makes you want to grin incessantly and say ‘thank you!’ to everyone in the room.

It is two days after Thanksgiving, and, with the cinnamon-sweet smell of pumpkin pie made by my American friends still lingering in the air, I want to give thanks. I thank God for these past six months. I thank Him that I am alive and my son is alive, most gloriously so. I thank God for my husband, steadfast as a rock. I thank Him for my friends – I am unspeakably rich in love. I thank God for motherhood, and for all He has shown me of himself through the soaring highs and crushing lows of it. I thank Him most of all for how He’s been breaking me free of self-sufficiency, showing me how to lean on Him and those He has put around me, how to unapologetically invite people in to the haphazardly tidied rooms of my heart and let them see both the brokenness and the beauty there.

Here, then, are some poems I wrote, and above is a song. Blessed are the ones who lean.

Revolution

While war and hatred
have their day
and the foolish things
that celebrities say
absorb the attention
of the public eye,
is the real war over
a mother and child?
In some little house
on some nameless road,
is world change beginning
from seeds that she sows?
For Rome’s empire once
stood unaware while
a new Kingdom shone
in a little boy’s smile.

Motherhood Is About Embracing

Motherhood is about embracing,
so I embrace this cost,
these sleepless nights and whirlwind days,
this weight gain and hair loss.

Holy Fire, spread your wings
where you dared not before,
illuminate my heart’s house,
burn down all my locked doors.

For if you truly love me, God,
the way I love my child,
then I can be happy every time
I’m woken up tonight.

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